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30 day writing challenge #19 5 fears

5 fears that I have, that should be an easy one. Then I put a bit of thought into it. Oher than spiders I dont have a ton of fears. Or not like things I lok at that scare me so I will put a couple things that do bug me in with a few real fears I have. So lets start with my biggest fear...

Being nothing in the end, not even being an average dude. I really want to be published some day. In fact I wish I could make a living telling stories, writing blogs something. I admit it I want the world to hear me and to make money at that. In reality I know that only happens for what 1% or less of the population. So I learned I can live without that, I really can. What I cant handle is feeling less than the average Joe. Years ago I worked in a kitchen. It was a great time I enjoyed my job and co workers. But the money was shit. I would never get anywere in my life and I saw these guys who were 40s and 50s living in rentals and I didnt want that. So I quit and got a warehouse job. SLOWLY I have somewhat climbed the old corporate ladder. I currently make decent money but somedays it dont feel like enough. Living slightly better than pay cheque to pay cheque isnt ideal. I mean now I can afford to go on trips, buy things I want but I really am not getting ahead per say. And sometimes that fear of just spending life spinning my wheels creeps into my mind.

Next lets talk about a slightly less dramatic fear. Spiders! I fucking hate spiders! I will admit I have gotten better at dealing with them but they still can startle me and make me jump! I am not sure why, my mother says I have had this fear most of my life. And WTF why are the ones in Alberta getting bigger and grosser. I swear when I was a kid they werent that bad!!!

Losing anyone. Here is the thing, in my life I have been lucky. My grandparents are all still alive. Hell they are only in there 70's. I have not lost many people I have really cared for in my life. Yes there have been some passing that made me very sad but overall I have been lucky. I have relatives with some health concerns and as people age I have started to wonder about what would happen if I lost someone close to me. I don't know how I would handle it. Like I  like to not show emotion. Or try my best but then when I do crack I do lose it and so far in my life I have never ever really seen tragedy. Another one of my valid fears is to actually see tragedy. I kinda like living in my happy sheltered bubble.

Tryophobia, look it up. It isn't a fear it is just gross. Like I cant look at certain things that look like they have holes in them. Like they make my stomach turn. I can look at them, but I prefer not to. Like they make me shiver dunno why. And I think this is a relatively new thing.

I don't know what to call the last one. Fear of stupid or fear of the future. I know we had problems in the past. And as a whole society has tried to get past them. Yes there is still racism, homophobia and so on and so forth. BUT we have progressed but were should that progression stop? The world has gotten to the point were people keep pushing for more and more "rights" were does it end or will we keep giving until everything and anything is okay.... On top of that look at pop culture. People who watch the Kardashians I am just gonna say your stupid you worry me. We are happy to promote trash now. Also I love Grand Theft Auto. And no with good parenting I would never blame it for kids becoming disrespectful little shits. But we don't have great parents anymore. So these kids are playing games were it is a good idea to kill cops and fine to film people getting assfucked. With no guidance they do think that's an okay life. It isn't but people coming up in this world are being told meh its okay. On top of all that look at TRUMP! Seriously people want to vote him in?? If that is what the world is coming to do I wanna live in it?? Like I do have a great fear for the worlds future....

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