This is in a series of blog posts; if you haven't read the others, you might want to give them a read first. Started in Canada and have been to Paris already.
Before I carry on, we should get into the travel tour bus lifestyle. Not Motley Crue wasted for weeks, but first-world tourists travelling Europe on a slightly less luxurious bus. I think we had a good handle on it, so that's how I will break it down. My day typically started at 6. Again, like Paris, my wife started before that to do hair and makeup for pictures. It was 50/50 on the trip who did that. Some women, it was every day, others never, and others sometimes. I assume it was based on the day's itinerary. Anyways, she was pretty much up every day around 5. 6 is enough time for me to read or write for a bit and gulp down some of that Nescafé instant coffee. I was starting to not mind it, a couple of sugar packets, but none of that powdered creamer shit. Also, get a shower in and use the hotel bathroom. Trust me, it is way better than looking for a place to crap when you're out on the road. Get down to breakfast at 7. You wanna be there at open for a couple of reasons. You can get an actual cup of coffee; trust me, a lineup will form quickly. If there is more than one tour in the hotel, it's crazy. Plus, the food is hot, fresh, and full. It is gonna get picked over. Again, trust me, you do want to eat. If you are on the other tour company, young and out partying, maybe not, maybe you need one more hour of sleep, but I would recommend eating. This is coming from a guy who usually doesn't eat breakfast. Now, you should be done early enough, you can either go back to the room for a few minutes. (Maybe use that bathroom) or check for anything missed. Or visit with your group before loading the bus. Supposed to be on that bus by 8, they make a big deal if you get to load at 9 and sleep in. I would still go down first thing, even if you get an extra hour for all the same reasons. So if it is a lucky day and you stay in the same city that night, you will be off to the local attraction. Chances are, you will have a local guide ranging from excellent to terrible. We had some that were pretty decent, and at least one sticks out that I feel hated her job and tourists, so I will never understand why she was a guide. Plus, you will have a Vox box. The quick breakdown is that it is a one-way mic from the guide to the group. They aren't going to be shouting so everyone can hear, but talking into their box. Also, they aren't going to herd you. Yes, they want you close, but they give you some space, so if you want to, you can go a bit slower, but you may not see whatever they might be talking about. This will be for city tours and for attractions you see, so get used to the box. On top of that they do give you single earplug headphones. They want you to be able to hear the world as well. If you want, bring your own, but this is old tech. Not your USB or USB-C plugs now, but the old round ones that have worked well enough for everyone for decades until recently.
Then comes free time. Now, this, of course, is just a general outline, but it always seemed right around lunch, you are given an hour or two "free time". This kind of sucks a bit, by now, all the attractions have big lineups. There was a museum and a church I wanted to go to in my free time, but with hour-long lines to get in, you just ate lunch. Which isn't a bad idea. Also conveniently, you are usually left in a touristy shopping area. I wonder what people are going to do? Again, semi-pro tip: walk a couple of blocks away to eat. 95% of our best meals were just outside tourist traps. They are going to have better food, and they will be cheaper. Then you are either hopping on the bus for a drive to the next city or the next part of whatever city you are in. Or possibly the optional excursions. I 100% say do every excursion you can. Again, what is the point of going somewhere and not taking it all in? For the most part, they pick some great options for you. OR, and this is a big if, you are brave enough to get out there, you can opt out and do your own thing. In general, the people who do that are sitting on the bus or waiting in the hotel room. I never saw anyone really leave and do their own thing, but you could, I guess, if you wanted. For example, if the trip was in Paris and say the Eiffel tour was an excursion (I doubt it would be, the biggest attractions are usually included, but stay with me here), and you really, really wanted to see the catacombs, you could head over to the catacombs and have a look. Rather than go with the group to the tower. The issue is that you can't pre-book tickets for the catacombs, as you do not know when exactly you will be free. So you could get over there and not even be able to get in. Also, your transport to and from the catacombs is on you. It's not a big deal with a taxi or something, but if you wanna venture on the trains, that's on you. I DOUBT they will have a specific time you HAVE to be back if you are staying in the same hotel that night, but if, for some reason, you are leaving town, do you really want to be the person who holds up the entire tour from being where it is supposed to be? This is what I mean: you can venture out independently and skip excursions, but it is risky. In general, if you're with a tour group, it is probably best to stick with the group. Either way, the afternoon is over, and you likely get an hour or two in the hotel. I found that people usually head to the hotel bar for a cold beer or wine. Dinner is one of three things. Included in the hotel and probably pretty adequate, but not amazing. We had a few like this. I can't complain about them, but in reality, they fill the need to eat, and that is about it. You're not going to be blown away. That's a quiet night. Depending on where you are, you could find your own stuff to do after, but I never saw that happen. People may have a drink at the hotel bar. I know a couple of people had a bottle of wine in their room, but are you close enough friends in a week of travel to want to do that? Included dinner, but out somewhere. This one is nice, they took us to a few good places and a few meh, but usually these are pretty good nights. You get out and see the city some. Our best dinners were out, and honestly, a couple of the worst ones were like this. When I say worse, I don't mean bad. I wouldn't say we had a bad meal, but some were plain. Last is an excursion dinner. These are fun, surprisingly, though the food never blew me away. Examples we will get to, going to a Greek restaurant and making food with them, or going to a castello in Tuscany and touring a winery before dinner. Yes, you have to pay extra to go on these, but they are worth it. Again, if you skip it, dinner is on you, and yes, that first night we had dry, boring pizza, I almost wish we had skipped and just gone back to Trastevre, but live and learn. Unless it is a hotel night, chances are it's 9 or later when you return to the room. No biggie, right? Sounds like an average day at home. However you are bagged, trust me. Honestly, I liked to soak in a hot bath if we had a decent tub and crash. The fact is, you don't sleep great, the beds there are shit! There were nights when you got back to the hotel, and people did want to sit at the bar as a group. TO be fair, this is later, once people start talking and becoming friendly. We partook maybe 50% of the time and probably should have a bit more, just to visit with people. One night, it was a beautiful view of a small Greek town, on a balcony over a pool. Doesn't that sound awesome, cause it was! So that would be a day spent in the same city, but chances are you are on the move at some point.
We were gone for nine nights and ten days, technically, I would say nine and nine, since a couple of the "days" were only the hours of meeting up and saying goodbye. Still, I get why they describe it as more. In those nine nights, though, we stayed in seven different rooms. I'll get to what I mean there, but that means moving a lot and spending time on a bus. So maybe you do your thing in a city and then load the bus and travel in the afternoon. Or whatever order, it doesn't matter, but you travel. The nice thing about most European countries is that they are small! For example, it takes twelve hours to drive across Italy. Just think how many stops that could be. Rome, Florence, Venice, Milan, Verona, Bologna, Naples, Turin, Pisa, Pompei. That's a lot of possible stops over twelve hours, so you don't have to be driving that long, but it can feel like forever. It is part and parcel with doing a tour, but it does suck that you pay for so many boring hours driving. So chances are your actual tour guide will talk some on the drive. Our guide Scott did a bit. Some facts probably about where you are, were you are going. Like in Europe and so on, if they are good. Scott was very well spoken. I am pissed he promised to finish the history of Rome, but never did. They will explain the itinerary and usually give you a day or so ahead. It is very important to know that even though you have one written out and put in your excited little hands before you flew over, it isn't 100% solid. As you will see, things beyond the tour's control can change it. I believe to a certain extent, the guide can change it. So think of what you have as an outline, more than rock solid. Drive time, I liked reading, bring a book. Sure, you will visit some, but the chairs are not super comfy, and you'll likely not be sitting all turned around in them, talking to people. Also, they have Wi-Fi, but we were not told about it for the first couple of days. I think they wanted us to mingle, and on top of that, if everyone logs on, it just crashes the system, and no one gets it. Consider this a vacation and just stay on the web for a bit! There should be a bathroom on the bus. In general, why would you use it? First, it's not comfy, and second, it will smell; there is no way around that. However, if you need it, you need it. The annoying thing on our bus was that the washroom was locked and could only be opened by the driver. I do not agree with that. If at 43 I feel I really need to take a piss, I shouldn't have to basically walk up the entire bus and ask if I can. I paid a lot of money to be on this trip, I just wanna be comfortable. I think the flip side only got used twice, so keeping it locked like that probably makes people wait and only use it if necessary. So I have mixed feelings on the whole bathroom thing. The big thing with this is that the EU does things differently from here. Driving is highly regulated; it is here as well, and getting more so, but they even have scanners for the bus driver. He logs in and starts driving. They have limits; I can't remember them off the top of my head, but they are required to take a break roughly every hour and a half to two hours. Plus, they have what we might call low weekly limits. The police can actually look back six months in the records and issue tickets, so they are careful about not overdriving. That has led to the growth of the Super Gas Station, as I will call them. So first, it has the normal gas station stuff, pop, chips, and such, but a way bigger selection. Also, the outside lot is way bigger for trucks and buses to fuel and rest. Don't be surprised to see at least one other tour bus stopped when you are. Now, the little convenience store aspect is much bigger. So are the washrooms. Not just a single stall and maybe a urinal with piss on the seat, but a big, fairly clean washroom. Kind of like a stadium washroom, made for a big group to rush in, do what they need, and get out. On top of that, they have a mini restaurant. Sure, you can just order a premade sandwich or pizza, salad, or some easy stuff like that, but some also have a restaurant where they will make the food up for you. Usually something fairly quick, but it looks much better than a sandwich or pizza that has been sitting under a heat lamp. It's neat, but it loses its novelty pretty damn quick. With all that, they have a mini Walmart. No, it isn't branded Walmart, but that is what I would call it. A section of everything you may want, literally. At one point, I bought a rain jacket there, but we will get to that. In reality, these gas stations are mini-malls, and you will stop at lots. Good place for water and a washroom. Food as well, but really, you might as well wait for a city and try something a bit better. The point being, every couple of hours, you're going to have a bathroom break and a leg stretch. It will also add time to the trip, which you don't want to add. Buses aren't why you went to Europe, and it sucks to be on them. It is sadly a necessary evil. The views are great, it is a beautiful green countryside. Maybe you will see more in other places, but our tour was also fairly boring. The traffic is kind of interesting if you pay attention to it. Here in northern Alberta, we have some big semi trucks. They have semis there, but they do not look the same. Still big, but not massive.
So, on our second night in that room, first as a "tour," we had a fire alarm. It was false, and we all just went back to bed, but I am not a fan of European fire alarms. My wife is a light sleeper, so she woke first and asked what the noise was. I wasn't sure and poked my head out, like all the others were in the hall. The problem with their alarms isn't that it is annoying, but too damn quiet! Honestly, I could have easily slept through it and been stuck in a flaming hotel to die. It is probably not a normal complaint, but make them a bit louder!
Our first breakfast was as I described. Up by 6, coffee in the room while wife got ready, and then a quick shower and down to a buffet. What was strange to me was that it was downstairs and in the room beside where we had had breakfast the morning before, and it had fewer selections. Yes, it was way bigger as there were at least two other groups down there with us, but less to choose from. On top of that, this was when I learned to come early for coffee. Three busloads of people are in line for coffee! One guy had this big ass to-go coffee mug, and he was making cup after cup to fill it up. One of my group snapped at him, One cup per person! The same lady was grumbling the night before, when my wife said maybe we would avoid them. I had two feelings on this: I 100% agreed I wanted coffee and to get to eating, but I could see it from his eyes, too; that was his plan, just with a giant coffee mug to go. Ultimately, I had to agree with her, though, you don't get to waste everyone's time. So we had our breakfast. Eggs, fruit, some meat, mushrooms, and tomatoes. They really like mushrooms and tomatoes at breakfast for some reason. We ate with the same people we had dinner with the night before. The older couples and the one couple with the lady, my wife, had thought might be grumpy. It turns out they weren't; they just had jet lag and needed sleep. As I said, by the end, we were spending a great deal of time with them. I think this breakfast actually led to that. After she was the hero of the coffee line, we got to talking, and they were pretty decent people. Then everyone loaded onto the bus. This was a good day, you don't have to leave your suitcase in the hallway waiting for it to be collected. That can be nerve-racking. Then, after breakfast, back down into the heart of old Rome.
Tour guide
Our first local guide's name was Maria. She was literally the stereotypical Italian lady you would cast for a sitcom. Short, dark hair and feisty. We wandered some piazzas, saw some statues, one I wished I had listened to a bit more, but in general, it was almost the same places we had wandered the prior two days. There was a new spire, if you could call it that, that she took us to. It was pretty interesting, and the carvings on the outside were very cool. It amazed me that you could still see what they were after thousands of years. Sure, on the Vox box, she told us some interesting facts, but I mostly enjoyed the walk. It was still fairly cool, but Rome was just coming alive. You could see and hear people going to work, and also, of course, in this part of town, tourists were starting to fill up. The cobblestones were wet, and I am sure it wasn't from rain but just people cleaning the city for the day. I almost expected people to start singing and dancing, that's what it felt like. A Disney cartoon. Another fun feature of the Vox Box came in when we were back at the Pantheon. The piazza it is in is filled with little tatteririas, and we were standing in front of one. A waiter had been trying to hustle business in, we blocked his access to the public, and he tried to shoo the group away. Maria started chattering in Italian. Now, of course, I couldn't understand what she was saying, but the tone and speed, you could tell it wasn't a nice comment. She may have forgotten to turn her mic off, but the whole group got to hear her lay into him, and then he shook his head and walked away. I assume she won the argument because we continued to stand there as she explained the history of the Pantheon. Then we reached the Trevi Fountain again. This time, we didn't do pics; it was already much fuller, which reassured me that coming earlier had been smart. People grabbed coffees and gelatos. I had another coffee, but it was too early for gelato, and it is all fake around the fountain. Here was the first curveball. We were supposed to hit the coliseum! Instead, it was a Sunday and the Pope would speak to a crowd! There is some sarcasm in that for me. Not sure if that can be picked up in the written word. I am not Catholic, so at that point I thought, give or take, the Pope didn't care but wanted to see the Colosseum. So the news that we would not be going into the coliseum did kind of suck. We would get to see some crusty old man, great. Also, what about people who for sure aren't Catholic or even Christian? This is a tour company, and any religion is allowed. I know some people 100% would not want to see the Pope, but they sprung it on us, so that would be our day. So there you go with my tour group rules; be prepared, things can change!
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