Pre-Boarding

 I think I have always wanted to travel, but I was nervous for a very long time. When I was young, my uncle worked on offshore rigs outside Africa. He was also young at the time, in his twenties. No family, no responsibility, just good money. On his days off, they would provide him a ticket home or anywhere he wanted. If I could go back and have that same chance, I would take it in a heartbeat! Young, with a pocket full of cash and a ticket anywhere, is the dream, and I am sure it was for him, too. So he would work, travel, work, maybe come back for a couple weeks and repeat. So, to me, he was the coolest; he would bring home pictures and stories of all these places, and since I was a child, I am sure I did not hear nearly all the good stories. I thought I wanted to be that cool when I grew up. Looking back, I can say it would be way more interesting to say, "Man, you should see what it looks like when the sun rises over the Effiel Tower." Then to say, "Man, I was drunk last night; did you  see how much I puked?" Of course, I can tell many more stories of doing stuff, party stuff, and wish I had more interesting things. Either way, as I grew up, my desire to travel went away for a long time. I hit my teenage years and became, well, a typical teenage douchebag. I thought I knew everything and would make the world a better place, like so many generations of teenagers before and after. In the 90s, we had actual points. We wanted equality for races and sexualities that were not equal at that point. So, thoughts of seeing the world took a back seat to girls, playing the guitar horribly and being the 90s version of Woke. I don’t think it was totally gone, though.

I had a crush on a girl, and she introduced me to the Vampire Chronicles. I had zero interest in Paris until I read The Vampire Lestat. Then, I became obsessed with it. She was very much into art and literature. Into the “Old World,” she really wanted to see it. The more she talked about it, the more I wanted to see it. So yes, it started as a crush, showing interest in what she liked, to realize I missed thinking of travel and would love to see Europe. She was much more driven than me; she saved and did go. I enrolled in journalism and moved to Edmonton. The other thing I was obsessed with in high school was the mafia. That led down a rabbit hole, and to Italy, that rabbit hole led to the Roman Empire. No, it doesn’t really make a lot of sense, but I go off on tangents. The Romans blew my mind. How big the empire grew, and how much it influenced the modern world. I did not give the Greeks enough credit, just the Romans. Even the myths of Romulus and Remus interested me, and I thought Rome would be fascinating to see. First, though I would get an education, I would become a journalist! I wanted to work in my hometown when I was done, but I also thought I could cover stories all over the world. Wherever things were interesting. See what I mean, silly, naïve child. 

At first, I had it in my head that Edmonton would be like Paris, that once I moved here, I would be sitting in salons, debating politics or whatever was the news of the day. That I would become more brilliant and more interesting by default. Within months, I knew none of that was true. First, Edmonton is not a world-class city. I have friends who would argue that it is, but it’s not. It is the moody teenager I just described. While we do have a very socially aware society, we also have middle-class workers who are conservative and just want to carry on. We supposedly are the festival city, but we also have a growing homeless population, making the city center not overly desirable. The same goes for Whyte Ave, which people used to think of as a trendy area. So what I mean is Edmonton is the moody teen, somewhere between wanting to be overly socially responsible and just wanting a quiet life. Edmonton is barely over 100 years old. There can be a lot of history in that time but it is a drop in the bucket. We got an apartment in the Oliver district, which was a bit artsy and young, so I thought it might be like Paris. Again, it wasn't. I did discover a pub that was a large old home converted into a pub. I thought it would be my salon, but it was a once-in-a-while watering hole that closed pretty quickly due to lack of business. I got a job in a kitchen on 118ave and 122st. Edmonton has worked hard at gentrifying the Inglewood area, but back when I was there, it was mostly just drugs and hookers. My illusions were shattered, and I didn’t meet interesting, worldly people. That’s not totally true; I did meet interesting people, but not worldly or what I thought it would be like.  All my fantasies were crushed, and the desire to travel left me again. The only thing I really wanted to do was pack up and travel back to my safe, small town. I didn’t, I made more poor choices but stuck it out, and things changed over time. I started to do some travel “lite.” The truth is that a lot of who I am, what I do, and what I believe in comes from this period in my life. Even that took time and effort to get out of my shell. When we got tickets to Cuba, I almost said no. I didn’t want to go to a dirty country like that, so I wanted to go to England. Somewhere civilized, I am so happy I went, but I was a bundle of nerves. A commie nation and I hadn’t been on a plane in at least a decade, probably more. I had only ever flown to Phoniex when I was 7, and I could not remember that; I slept most of the flight. I was scared of boarding a plane at that point.  Then there was more travel lite, out to Jasper, then down into BC and Victoria often. A houseboat seeing the shushwaps. Cuba and Mexico. Las Vegas and Los Angeles. Any travel is good travel in my eyes, and when I did those trips, they were and still are amazing, but I thought that was world travel. It isn’t, it is good travel. Any travel and experience is, but these places are still North American or cater to that. I will probably write down all I can remember of that as well, but for now, it's current travel for now as the memories are freshest. I do realize, though, how lucky I have been. Some people don’t even really get travel lite, and I have done a decent amount of that. I went into debt badly, and maybe some planning would have been wiser, but in the end, it turned out okay, so it was probably worth it. So after years of travel lite, my wife and I planned a trip to Italy and Greece. Then Covid hit and ruined that; we had to cancel as the news was showing bodies being carried out of buildings in Italy. Then, personal things pushed it back another year. So it ended up being almost 4 years later than we had planned, but I finally got to travel- actual travel. Looking back, though, maybe it wasn’t bad that it was pushed. It gave us four more years to save. Meaning everything was paid for, we didn’t come back and have to pay off credit cards. They were cleared up. Also, we could add a few days in Paris before the tour to our trip, which hadn’t been planned, which was a nice bonus.

I had to come back and add this paragraph. Before we talk about travel, I guess we need to talk about travelers. There are 3 kinds with a couple of subgroups. First is the adventurers. The purest adventurer is buying a ticket somewhere, going somewhere without plans. No accommodations, just a goal to see the world. I don’t know that I have ever done this, maybe a bit in Canada, but I have a couple of friends who have done this, and it blows my mind. These people worry their loved ones if they are young. Moms and dads are wondering where their children are. It is a bit easier now with cell phones and tracking apps, but either way, these people are looking for true adventure. These people may not see the tourist traps. I mean, chances are they will see some, but they will get a much more real view of the destination. Mexico is my favorite example. I have done a lite version of this, the planned adventure version. We flew to Mazatlan and had a place to stay, but that was it. Everything else was left to play by ear and see what we wanted. We went to the markets and ate in dives off the beaten path. Saw the extreme poverty and often dirtiness of Mexico; it was eye-opening. A few years later I stayed in a resort so high end my wife started crying, worried we didn’t belong and trust me, the resort view was way different, you wouldn’t know how bad things are. No one on the resort pulled a gun on me or tried to get me into a car like people did when we were on an adventure. These people see more of the real world, and that is nice. One of my heroes, Anthony Bourdain, said this is the only way to travel, skip the tourist shit. I have to disagree. The reason people are traveling is to see that tourist shit. What in the hell is the point of going to Paris and not seeing the tower. Yes, there will be a million other things to see, but come on, you gotta see some tourist traps! So, let's move on to the planned adventure sub-group. This is a big group; it is my favorite way to travel now. You are going somewhere, have something like a place to sleep lined up, and have free time to see your destination. Some goals in mind, not a 100% fly by the seat of your pants. It works great for a second time at a place or after a tour group because you know what you want to see, and you have time to see more. The opposite group is the tour group. It is a lifestyle all on its own. Everything is highly regimented, and honestly, it can be tiring! These people will see all the big tourist attractions, but chances are they will never see the real country. Your tour group isn’t going to take you 20 blocks away from the Plaka in Athens and show you the extreme poverty that a pure adventurer might see. These people see the highlights and will also get guided tours and knowledge that the pure adventurer won’t. It is fun, safe (or should be), and honestly perfect before doing an Adventurer lite trip. I have seen Rome and all the major highlights; a tour showed me that. I will be back now with a decent knowledge of the city and see what I want. The tour was a perfect way to ease into a new place. There is nothing wrong with either type of travel. It really depends on what you are looking for. At 21, I much preferred adventure on my own schedule. At 42, the tour was amazing. Adventure Lite will mix both when I return at 44 for a perfect trip. What I am getting at is to each their own, plenty of ways to travel. The last group is the all-inclusive gang. This is a big gang, too. It spans across a lot of people. From the dirt cheap to the stupid expensive. These are the people who either want to party cheaply and not have to worry about anything, or they are the people who want to be pampered like royalty. It used to be you could spend less than $2000 to get to Mexico for a week or two and enjoy. That, of course, has really gone up, but if you factor everything in, an all-inclusive is a cheap holiday. For the college crowd, it can be a cheap tropical party. It can also help a bigger family afford a holiday. It can be cheaper than Disneyland, that’s for sure. On the other hand, it can be insane pampering. This is the crowd, though; they all have a place in mind and might not leave it. They can relax at the beach, drink, and book in hand, or if they want to go on an excursion. Of all travel, it can actually be the most relaxing. It is also likely to see the least of the country you are going to. It is the furthest from reality. Nothing wrong with that either, though. My busy season is fall and winter. I hate the cold of the Canadian winters. By February, I am pretty ready to fly away and relax. My only thought is, don’t be a douche. Even if everything is included, bring money for tips; it is how some people survive. Best to know which one you are before you go. If you are fired up to see things and learn about a new country, the all-inclusive isn’t going to give you that. If you want to relax, a tour group won’t let you do that. 

Be smart before you travel. I am not a massive fan of them anymore, but Airmiles used to be excellent. I heard so many people say they never added up and were useless. Well, in roughly 15 years, my wife and her mother went to Europe on them. They went to Disneyland. My wife and I went to Victoria twice and Disneyland three times. It also took my mother-in-law down to the States for a trip. It paid for a few other hotels for us as well. Yes you have to be dedicated to shopping where you get them and using special offers when you can for bonus miles but that there is 7 trips in 15 years. That’s roughly a trip every two years. When I say they covered the trip, each time, it was different. Sometimes, it was just flights, other hotels, car rentals, or park tickets. Another trip was on a Costco MasterCard. Someone used the card enough that the year-end rebate paid for 6 tickets to Cuba. I use a Westjet card now. In 5 years, it has paid for flights 3 times, and the bonus voucher is fantastic for travel. If you want to travel, try to be innovative and find better ways to manage it. Without these perks, I would not have seen many sights that I would have been lucky to have seen. 

Also, you have expenses. Let’s say flights and accommodations are covered. It depends on how you travel and where you stay, but chances are you will need food. Pretty much unless it is an all-inclusive getaway, you're gonna eat, and even then, if you leave the resort, you're probably gonna eat. Plus, it seems like people drink on vacations, so add that in. Or, again, maybe it’s all-inclusive. Did you bring tip money for wait staff and bartenders? Cleaners? Or are you gonna be that guy? Trust me, you’re a douche if you don’t tip, and chances are your service won’t be nearly as good. In the modern world, chances are you will get a cell phone plan. $13 a day doesn’t sound bad at all. In a 20-day trip that is $260, did you plan for that? My brain processed it as nothing until I got my phone bill. Next is transport, again maybe it is all already arranged for you. That’s nice. Are you tipping the driver? If so, how much? If it is not, how much is the taxi gonna cost you, and how often? We stayed in Mazatlan a couple times, and we rode around in “chicken trucks,” dirt cheap, right, until you do it a few times a day. It all adds up. We are now at the excursion part of the trip. I have traveled and not done excursions; I just sat at a pool and drank. That isn’t a terrible holiday if you wanna enjoy the sun, listen to music, maybe read, and get caught up on your drinking. It is more fun to get out and do things, though. So, even getting out and doing stuff adds up. Plus gifts, oh gifts, even for people maybe you don’t want to buy for. You can go with high-end stuff, or there will be cheap knockoffs anywhere. It doesn’t matter which, but it is more money. Did you cover all these things in your plans? Even if you did add more! I don’t know, say 20%, just to be safe. In general, travel is not cheap.

The day we were flying to Charles De Gaul was a Monday. The flight was at 710PM, so to be safe, responsible travelers, we would leave the house around noon. Three-hour drive time and sit in the airport for three hours. Plus, an hour, just in case. I am used to flying early, waking up, and rushing to the airport, so this was different. It was up at 5, playing some video games and drinking baileys and coffee. Then, double-check that everything is packed, grab the hand scale, and double-check the weight. That was all good. Then, make sure the air tags are in the bags. I like the idea of air tags; if your bag is lost, you can point the airline to where it is. However, it is still kind of useless if you are standing in Canada and see your bag has flown to New Zealand. I recommend AM flights; if it is a short jaunt, you can do stuff when you get there. However, we were flying for 9 hours, so it was nice overnight. Soon enough, we were sitting, petting the dogs, and waiting to go. The brain starts running over everything. Did it get packed? Even though it was just checked, will I need it? Probably not, but time lets you wonder. Best to get going and not have those worries. The dogs are like our kids. People who say a dog isn’t a child, well, they have never had a dog or actually loved a dog. They even know when you are going and watch you pack bags with big, sad eyes. My dogs are okay, though, and I think Grandma treats them even better than we do. The minute came, though, my mother-in-law showed up to drive us down to Calgary. I have to thank her; that’s 3 hours one way and 3 back. Six hours she spent driving us that day. 

Mid-afternoon on a Monday is easy enough driving. Anyone who knows Berta knows the QEII between Edmonton and Calgary can be a mess. Rush hours, weekends, but Monday afternoons, not on summer holidays, aren’t bad. I personally do not like being a passenger. I spend a lot of time driving, so riding in the back is usually dull. This time, it was nice to just sit back and relax. I used to worry when I flew; I was a terrible flyer. Hated to take off, hated landing, and any turbulence made me want to shit myself. I used to be so nervous that this drive would have been a nightmare thinking about flying, but it wasn’t. We stopped in Red Deer for a snack at the donut mill. If you ever have the chance, stop by. Red Deer is the only major center on the highway between Edmonton and Calgary, and they know it. They are home to Gasoline Alley. Gasoline Alley is a string of fast food restaurants, gas stations, and hotels. It was built just slightly off the main highway. So traffic doesn’t have to slow down, and travelers don’t have to go out of the way for anything they might need. If you have the chance, though, stop at the Donut Mill. Old school donuts, the way they should be. I miss authentic bakeries. I mean, there are some out there, but you have to go looking. Most people buy the mass-produced Tims or the new over-the-top ones that cost $5 a donut, and you get an entire day's worth of calories in a single donut. I just love a regular homemade donut, the Mill does it right. Stop in. 

So, just outside of Red Deer, we realized why we left very early. Something caused a traffic jam. As far as the eye could see, it was backed up. Google Maps redirected us down some back highway and around the jam. Did it actually save time, or did the detour make us feel better? I don’t know. I know we are so reliant on phones nowadays, which is crazy. They are so helpful, I traveled a bit before I had an iPhone, but I will say they are beneficial when traveling. Even a little detour like this we would never have done before. Probably sat in the slow line, panicked that we would be late but still ended up fine. The point I am beating around here is they do save a lot of stress when traveling.

The airport in Calgary is on the north end of town, so if you drive down from Edmonton, it is rather convenient. When people drive you to the airport, there is the hugging and the be safes. I get it; I call my mother a day or two before I go anywhere. Tell my brothers I love them. We seem to treat it almost like a funeral or something. Not sure why. Air travel, in general, is pretty damn safe. Typically, if we go on a vacation, it will be somewhere safe. Anywhere, I guess, can be dangerous if you are an idiot, but a holiday, people wouldn’t take them if it was an actual risk. It used to be that you took a calling card when you traveled and checked in occasionally. Now, you can wait until you hit somewhere with wifi if you don’t get a phone plan, and you can check in daily, but we still act like it is possibly the last time we will see the person. I guess that is nice, though; so much in the world is cold and uncaring now, but at the airport, people are caring. Just like the two weeks before Christmas when everyone pretends to be nice.

Airports, in general, suck. First, you must wait in line for tickets unless you preboard, which is always smart. Then you can just print them. It still shocks me to see people waiting in ticket lines. Then you have to check your bags; hopefully, you are underweight. I always am, but some people pack everything, and it can be helpful when you are traveling but worrisome at the scale. There is always a slight dread watching it go onto the belt and hope it makes it where it needs to go. Personally, I have never lost a bag, but it is surprising the number of people I know who have. Then is security. I like feeling safe on the plane. I hate people pawing through my shit. This can be a shitty experience which is normal, or it can be brutal. I don’t know how the random spot checks work, but getting pulled aside and getting that extra search is annoying. You will not find anything on me; try as hard as you want. In the line, some security is pretty decent; take their time and let you get your shoes and belt back on. Others hammer things through. I thought they were going to smash my laptop, and they were piling people on top of you while you put your shoes on. Once we are through, though, they don’t give a shit. I had a friend drop a roll of bills, and a massive joint rolled out onto the floor. The security looked right at it, kind of shrugged, and let him go. It isn’t their problem now; it will be an issue where he lands. Side note: it was Mexico, and they didn’t care either. On a good day, you get through security with enough time to sit down for a meal or a drink. If not, there is always Hudsons, where you can pay way too much for a snack or anything you may have forgotten to bring. I can’t count how many times I have bought Advil, Pepto, or even a magazine and then hated how much I paid for it. Like I said, though, hopefully, you have time for a meal before you go; airplane food sucks. The meal before a flight is the best meal out there. Usually, for me, it is breakfast, and it isn’t fancy. Bacon and eggs, some toast, and hashbrowns. A couple of coffees and baileys are pretty basic. It is filling you up for adventure, though. You can sit, eat, and daydream about how good the trip will be. Unless you eat on the plane, your next meal will likely be somewhere you want to go! When I was younger, my parents took my brothers and me to Vegas. They were not old enough to drink, pretty close but not quite there. We were eating breakfast and another table beside us was doing shots. They were 20ish and also headed to Vegas; Mom commented one day that we would be getting ready for a fun trip. It stuck with me; the meal before a trip is like the last meal in prison. Except you are not dead after, just ready for your next adventure.

Before I carry on, I am getting into wine. I have a 22-ish-year affair with wine. Recently, in the locker room after hockey, the guys mocked me for having it at lunch. I know it isn’t for everyone. In fact, when I started trying it, it was simply in nice restaurants, with a meal to be polite, and then went back to whiskey. Even way back then, though, I did realize I did like some.  My grandpa got into making wine when he retired and it was sort of a blessing. He would give me cases and cases. Not all of it was overly good, though some kits were better than house wines at some places. We drank it to get drunk; it worked, but it did leave a nasty hangover. Slowly, I started buying semi-decent bottles, then better and better as slowly I could afford them. I am not a coinsurer by any means. People tell you flavors and hints of this and that. I can tell you, yup, I like it, or nope, not for me. The thing with wine is it is very different. Unlike hipster crap, sorry, craft beer, wine is very distinct. I am plain, I like Cab Sav, which, as far as I can tell, is a pretty tame, average wine. I have also enjoyed a Malbec and a Pino Nior, but that is few and far between. The other thing about wine is it is universal. I have never been to a country that doesn’t have wine and also doesn’t make its own wine. Mexico is awful wine, but they try to make it. I am not sure wine is universal, maybe because typically it isn’t something you drink to get fall down drunk but just to have a glass or two with a meal. It can actually enhance a meal. Chocolate, cheeses, and salty meats can all make wine unforgettable. In a story about traveling to Europe, the wine capital of the world, of course we are going to have wine. Any time I mention eating except breakfast, assume wine is involved. Again, it is not a ton; it is just some flavor with a meal. A closing note: never believe that a more expensive wine is better. I have had cheap, I have had a homebrew, and I have had pricey wines. Yes, sometimes pricey is a better wine, and sometimes not at all. I guess with wine it is all your taste. Though typically a cheap wine, is not a good one!

We went to Vin Room and sat down for an early supper. Yes, Vin, that wasn’t a spelling error. The wine selection is excellent, and they had odd sizes, but I guess that is so people can have small tastes of a large selection. Not a bad idea; of course, they are smart enough to make it pricey. What else are you going to do? You might as well eat and drink for a couple of hours. The service was friendly; it started off dead but did fill up. Working in the airport, you must hear some crazy stories. People headed out or headed home. What they plan to do or what they got up to. I would think the tips are good but that I can’t prove. Being drunk on a plane is not as great as one might think. I have done it once, super hungover and thought a few drinks would take the edge off. It does, for a bit, then it hits hard, and when you land, you either feel worse or can't get behind the wheel and drive home. So, it's not really worth it. We did try a couple wines and some appies though. Then, pick dinner. Headed to Paris, Italy and Greece, so cant eat anything they might have. Ended up on the good old American cheeseburger. I often think a cheeseburger or pizza or something like that is funny-looking with wine but really not there to impress people, and it was good. The fact is red meat goes well with red wine, so I am not sure why I look down on a burger and red wine. In fact, a medium-rare burger with wine might actually be amazing. Everything in the airport is designed to help you spend money. It was a good meal, but of course, it cost what a good meal does. Then we did what every tourist does. We found the signboard saying Paris and took a selfie in front of it. Photos are actually the better part of a trip. You can buy a million little nick-nacks or gifts to give away, but in the end, they end up collecting dust somewhere. Pictures, on the other hand, last forever, and you can always use them to remember the trip you were on. I have always liked pictures, but it annoyed me that people were constantly snapping them. Now, though, I actually know the value, and while selfie sticks will always be for douches, I guess I get it. We stood by the gates and watched it fill up, then they boarded us, and I was headed to Paris.